David Herz, Coach

I chatted with a friend the other day. He's a successful business consultant, generous friend, warm and loving father, and active in his community.

And with all that, he doesn't feel like he's mastered the art of communication.

So he got me thinking about Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) for a great relationship. I'm going to swing to the side of the personal, but the same should work in all relationships.

So I thought about the complaints that some of us might hear:

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Is marriage a bad idea if your boyfriend is struggling to generate a consistent source of income as an entrepreneur and you're also in a long-distance relationship?

They are not connected. Do you love each other? Are you both willing to be great with each other? Are you both willing to support each other as your are building your dreams?

It might be a harder road than picking the guy with the good job and steady income next door (that might not last either), but wouldn’t it be a better adventure to share, and wouldn't you be happier knowing you picked a partner with whom you could take on anything and keep going until you win?

Of course, it would also take that kind of commitment. Ask him if he's willing to play that game. Ask yourself if you are willing to play that game.

If the answer is yes to those, you've got a good chance with him.

Asked on Quora:

Should I support my musician boyfriend pursue his dreams while he depends on me financially completely? He has been trying for about 6 years.

No. You should tell him to get a damned job and pursue his music on the side.

It's time to stop trying and start doing. And when he takes on his job, he should take on doing it with excellence.

And then, especially if he hates his job, tell him to double down on his music. Work full time at his job, and work full-time at his music, with the same damned intensity.

Then he'll know if he really wants his music, or just likes calling himself a musician.

And don't let him get away with just practicing. A musician performs. Make sure he's booking at least one gig a week, and giving it his all.

But don't you dare suffer for his art. If he wants to suffer for his art, that's great. You can drive him to his gigs, be his sound engineer if you want, and be his biggest fan, but he's got to take on being the damned artist.

Eric Rothermel

Now, you know what you need to focus on. You know what your life will cost. Your job now is to sit down and make the plan. If you want to be making another thousand dollars a month by the end of the year, you need to know how many customers that takes. And if you're employed, just translate that to how much overtime, or what side gig will pay it? Maybe you can look at what you can do without? Maybe you've got a $50 a week Starbucks habit. That's $2600 a year. Maybe that's the vacation you want to take. Or maybe just drop one day of Starbucks a week. That's $520 right there.

Maybe you want to lose twenty pounds. Can you take on a ten minute walk three times a week? Would you be okay skipping dessert, or not eating after 6:30, or just getting enough sleep? Any of these could make a big difference.

At this point in time, it's about scheduling the small wins into your day. I'll leave you with a little wisdom from Jim Rohn:

• A few errors in judgment, repeated every day >> accumulated disaster
• A few simple disciplines, practiced every day >> untold riches

And if you want help setting yourself up to win, that's what we're here for.

This is the last post in this series, if you want to be on the regular list:

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Gemma Evans

Today's assignment is pretty simple:

1. Write down a list of your top twenty five goals in life. Include here things you are already achieving, like raising your kids.
2. Circle the top five.
3. Now consider the other twenty. And then forget them.

These are your distractions. These are the things that will keep you from having what you want. To these you must say no, that is if you want to achieve the top five.