Category: "Love"

It's Not Your Privilege to Determine if You are "Good Enough"

Posted on Feb 23, 2020 by in Relationships, Relationships, Love, Love
It's Not Your Privilege to Determine if You are "Good Enough"

I answer some version of this enough that it's worth my addressing separately. It can also come out as “I'm not in her class.” or “Why would she love me?” or “I can't possibly live up to her standard.” or “What could I offer her?” or “What could she possibly see in me?” or, worst of all “I don't love her as much as she loves me.” Feel free to swap the pronouns: I'm sure women have the same hang-ups.

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Training Your Spouse: Saving Your Marriage

Posted on Jan 13, 2020 by in Relationships, Love, Love, Communication, Communication
Training Your Spouse: Saving Your Marriage

There is something fundamental missing in the foundation of many relationships, and it is our unwillingness to go there that leads to the unnecessary termination of a lot of marriages, and a lot of heart ache.

It's like this.

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Saving a Marriage

Posted on Jan 12, 2020 by in Relationships, Success, Success, Ending Relationships, Love, Love
Saving a Marriage

I was at an event the other night, and ended up spending some time at the bar with a handful of women a few years older than I talking divorce. One was divorced already, another still married, happily I presume, and a third contemplating. She, at least it occurred so to me, was not complete with what was. There was a spark not yet extinguished.

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Errors of Unconditional Love

Posted on Mar 21, 2019 by in Relationships, Advice, Relationships, Love
Errors of Unconditional Love

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What is [sic] unconditional love's greatest errors?

I disagree with your premise. There is no issue with loving unconditionally. There is issue in being stupid and letting yourself be manipulated because of your love.

For instance, a child needs limits. If a parent doesn't provide them, he's not loving his child, he's abdicating his responsibility. Do you have any idea what it takes to not cave to a child at certain times? But I'd argue you are not loving your child if you do.

How about not enabling a junkie if that's your m.o? Or holding the hand of someone who's dying? Or letting a person make his own mistakes? And being ready to not be right about it?

So yes, love unconditionally, but be wise, be straight, be forthright, be responsible for your word.

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I'm Shy and Ugly: is a Boyfriend Possible?

Posted on Dec 17, 2018 by in Relationships, Love

I'm a boring and extremely shy and ugly 24 year old girl. I have very low self-esteem. I cry everyday for being myself. Is it possible for me to have a boyfriend?

It's probably not possible for you to have a healthy relationship in your current state of mind, but this one is all on you.

It's not your job to determine if you are enough for someone else. That's for them.

Your job is to be enough for yourself, and if there is something about yourself that you don't like, go and change it. Get interested in something, and you will be interesting, and it doesn't matter if it's particle physics or plumbing.

If you don't like the way you look, change it, or at least learn how to present at your best.

There are plenty of people who aren't “good looking” who are plenty attractive. It's because they don't put the attention on themselves.

Stop looking at yourself. Look instead at how you can make a difference in the world. Then go do it. You'll find your current question becomes irrelevant.

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