When is it time to give up on getting an ex back? I’m the one who broke up with him & when I asked to try again he said he needed to think about it. (Together for 3 years & broke up because college was too much)
You couldn’t integrate this relationship into your life. You didn’t trust that he’d wait for you. You didn’t ask for his help to get you through. You related to your relationship like it was one class too many that you had to cut to get through the semester.
That’s what you need to take responsibility for. Are you willing to commit to being a partner, to asking for help, to communicating needs without killing the relationship?
If you are willing to go there, then you’ve got to let him know, and apologize for cutting him off instead of asking for his support.
You asked when. The when is when you are willing to be the person he needs to actually create a relationship. You might want to call him, take responsibility for what was, and ask what it was you missed that would and could have made this work. And when he tells you, check in with yourself if you can bring that now.
My husband and I were breaking up then came the COVID-19 lockdown. We decided to try again. What can help us now? We've been together 10 years and communication is broken.
So it's time to clean up your communications, make a commitment to start over with a commitment to being open and honest.
A lot of people are stuck at home, or spending more time there than they are accustomed to. I'm guessing this might be leading to some stress in personal relations.
All of a sudden, we haven't got an office or a job to disappear to, or a gym to blow off some steam. And this might be a cause of stress, but it could also be presenting an opportunity, if we're sharp enough to notice, to pivot as an Entrepreneur might say.
What does this mean? I just want to let you know that I love you. I'm so sorry that I have not been the person that gives you what you deserve.
It sounds like he feels that he just can't, at the end of the day, please you.
There are a number of possibilities here:
I answer some version of this enough that it's worth my addressing separately. It can also come out as “I'm not in her class.” or “Why would she love me?” or “I can't possibly live up to her standard.” or “What could I offer her?” or “What could she possibly see in me?” or, worst of all “I don't love her as much as she loves me.” Feel free to swap the pronouns: I'm sure women have the same hang-ups.