There is something fundamental missing in the foundation of many relationships, and it is our unwillingness to go there that leads to the unnecessary termination of a lot of marriages, and a lot of heart ache.
It's like this.
I was at an event the other night, and ended up spending some time at the bar with a handful of women a few years older than I talking divorce. One was divorced already, another still married, happily I presume, and a third contemplating. She, at least it occurred so to me, was not complete with what was. There was a spark not yet extinguished.
So it's funny how winter, with its connotation of darkness and cold, begins just at that moment when the days start getting longer. So I'm here and what to make of it. I don't want the next thirty years to look like the last, or the first, although I wax nostalgic for the ones that I was probably most confused and anxious through, let's say 18 to 28. While I am sure I was completely unsure of myself, they were also years ripe with possibility which is hard to conceive as being available now.
I did come home from synagogue with a certain spirit of lightness, like more is possible, like maybe I could run another marathon, and I could, but I've done that. There are actually a whole lot of marathons I could run, and it's time to pick one, maybe two, at the very outside three,…but I want to run them all. And that I know I can't.
Another response to one of my Quora readers:
What advice can you give to someone who is afraid to be the person he really wants to be?
You got one life. You can live it for you, or you can live it for whom? Is that other person going to be happy for you enough that you will somehow find happiness for yourself?
It's hard to answer this without specifics. For some people, it's good enough to do something that pleases their parents because that is what is most important to them, but I think parents also what their children happy. If you do something to make them happy, but are miserable yourself, you might all just end up disappointed.
On the other hand, flying against certain cultural norms can be downright dangerous. Do you believe enough in what is right to risk it?
On the other hand, if you never try, you will never know, and you might just end up leading a life of quiet desperation. You wouldn't be the first, but again, you've only got one life.