Being Who You Want

Posted on Oct 17, 2019 by in Success, Success

Another response to one of my Quora readers:

What advice can you give to someone who is afraid to be the person he really wants to be?

You got one life. You can live it for you, or you can live it for whom? Is that other person going to be happy for you enough that you will somehow find happiness for yourself?

It's hard to answer this without specifics. For some people, it's good enough to do something that pleases their parents because that is what is most important to them, but I think parents also what their children happy. If you do something to make them happy, but are miserable yourself, you might all just end up disappointed.

On the other hand, flying against certain cultural norms can be downright dangerous. Do you believe enough in what is right to risk it?

On the other hand, if you never try, you will never know, and you might just end up leading a life of quiet desperation. You wouldn't be the first, but again, you've only got one life.

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"Ahlah" Activities for the Intermediate Days

Posted on Oct 11, 2019 by in Practices, Structure, Success, Improvement

Hey there friends. I reproduce here a post that I sent to my community group. The thing is it's right for wherever you are. It's addressed to Jews, but I don't think it really matters. We all can be a light unto the world.

Operation “Holy Land”

Every time you go out, leave the places you move through improved for your having been there.

My pet peeve is garbage, so I invite you to pick some up, but you are welcome to add any act you that allows you to share your love for this land with someone else.

I'm of the strong belief that the physical manifestation of this is extremely powerful. Think of your experience when you enter a well-kept home, or synagogue, or even park. Now think of it as others enter your country.

“The Holy Land” Game

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The Floor is the Standing Place

Posted on Sep 26, 2019 by in Advice, Children

I don't know what enters people's heads when they walk into a public space, but I am sure I don't get it.

My beef of the day is the limits that people set, or don't, for their children in the synagogue.

I get you want your kid to participate, but that doesn't mean that the synagogue needs to take on playground rules. I am sure your child can participate in prayer just as well without climbing on the furniture, or standing, in bare feet or shoes, on the surface on which the next person will be putting his hands and prayer book, or even on the upholstery (that wears too).

If your child wants to be at your level, you could actually just hold him there. And if you really must let him climb all over the furniture, . . .

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Am I Being Fired . . . What do I do?

Posted on Sep 10, 2019 by in Work, Adding Value, Being Fired

The director of my area assigned someone to monitor me. She went to ask everyone I interact with what I do. She tells me to report everything I do every day, even controlling where I sit, and it makes me wonder if I will be fired. What should I do?

It certainly sounds like you are being set up to be fired, but you could spin this another way.

What's another reason someone might be put in to observe your work?

I say you take on that they are observing your work because you are an exemplary employee, efficient, producing amazing results, and they want to study what works here in order to reproduce it. Of course this works best if you do actually bring a strong work ethic, a commitment to excellence, and ownership of the job and your company to your work (If you don't, it's time to start).

Then declare yourself this observer's partner, offer to create the manual for what you do, get (more) curious about how your work affects the health of the company and the value you add, and look with her at what can be done to take that up a notch, to make things work more smoothly with your colleagues, to improve channels of communications and optimize channels of production.

Talk to this person about goal setting for your job and making sure you are focusing on what is most important. Set goals, communicate them well, and exceed them.

In other words, be friggin' amazing. Add value to every interaction

But if the seating bothers you, this is a place you can take a stand. On the other hand, if it's just another slight to your dignity, then personalize and make the new spot beautiful and thank her for the new work space.

Now, if you get fired anyway, you've left a door open behind you that you can always walk back in to for a recommendation, or that you may be invited back into if they really see that you are the best for your job.

And if you don't, take on this way of being for the rest of your working career.

And, if this all sounds way too far fetched, then ask yourself if you were really that into your job anyway, and weren't just setting yourself up to be fired anyway. It doesn't matter that others might occur to be less into their job and even less value to the organization. (This is not for you to judge.) They might smile differently at the boss, actually have better results, or just not be as annoying as you are.

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Errors of Unconditional Love

Posted on Mar 21, 2019 by in Relationships, Advice, Relationships, Love
Errors of Unconditional Love

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What is [sic] unconditional love's greatest errors?

I disagree with your premise. There is no issue with loving unconditionally. There is issue in being stupid and letting yourself be manipulated because of your love.

For instance, a child needs limits. If a parent doesn't provide them, he's not loving his child, he's abdicating his responsibility. Do you have any idea what it takes to not cave to a child at certain times? But I'd argue you are not loving your child if you do.

How about not enabling a junkie if that's your m.o? Or holding the hand of someone who's dying? Or letting a person make his own mistakes? And being ready to not be right about it?

So yes, love unconditionally, but be wise, be straight, be forthright, be responsible for your word.

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