I've struggled with depression and anxiety all my life and I just can't seem to get it together. I don't understand why I'm so pathetic? Will it get better?
If it's clinical, seek professional help. But do the work to find the therapist that works for you.
If it's not, give up that you are pathetic. Pathetic is a conclusion you draw based on the facts you see and the weight you give them. Other people have accomplished more, other people have different talents, other people have been motivated differently by their experiences. Other people just seem to be motivated.
I think you've got a good shot at making it better if you take the focus off yourself and start asking different questions, something like these:
- What could I do to make the people around me smile today?
- How could I contribute to the lives of those around me?
- What bothers me in the world? Is there an action I could take to make it better?
- Who has the life I want? What can I do to meet that person?
- What is the life I want? What step could I take today to make that possible?
- How could I do this (whatever it is you are doing) better? How can I bring excellence to the task at hand?
- How can I alleviate one person's pain or suffering today?
- What can I do to take care of my parents/siblings/grands/best friends, even my enemies?
What I am suggesting is that you find something that means something to you and then you figure out what you can do to carry it forward. And as you get busy doing this, your current concerns will simply become irrelevant, or at least bother you less.