David Herz, Coach

I was at an event the other night, and ended up spending some time at the bar with a handful of women a few years older than I talking divorce. One was divorced already, another still married, happily I presume, and a third contemplating. She, at least it occurred so to me, was not complete with what was. There was a spark not yet extinguished.

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So it's funny how winter, with its connotation of darkness and cold, begins just at that moment when the days start getting longer. So I'm here and what to make of it. I don't want the next thirty years to look like the last, or the first, although I wax nostalgic for the ones that I was probably most confused and anxious through, let's say 18 to 28. While I am sure I was completely unsure of myself, they were also years ripe with possibility which is hard to conceive as being available now.

I did come home from synagogue with a certain spirit of lightness, like more is possible, like maybe I could run another marathon, and I could, but I've done that. There are actually a whole lot of marathons I could run, and it's time to pick one, maybe two, at the very outside three,…but I want to run them all. And that I know I can't.

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Another response to one of my Quora readers:

What advice can you give to someone who is afraid to be the person he really wants to be?

You got one life. You can live it for you, or you can live it for whom? Is that other person going to be happy for you enough that you will somehow find happiness for yourself?

It's hard to answer this without specifics. For some people, it's good enough to do something that pleases their parents because that is what is most important to them, but I think parents also what their children happy. If you do something to make them happy, but are miserable yourself, you might all just end up disappointed.

On the other hand, flying against certain cultural norms can be downright dangerous. Do you believe enough in what is right to risk it?

On the other hand, if you never try, you will never know, and you might just end up leading a life of quiet desperation. You wouldn't be the first, but again, you've only got one life.

Hey there friends. I reproduce here a post that I sent to my community group. The thing is it's right for wherever you are. It's addressed to Jews, but I don't think it really matters. We all can be a light unto the world.

Operation “Holy Land”

Every time you go out, leave the places you move through improved for your having been there.

My pet peeve is garbage, so I invite you to pick some up, but you are welcome to add any act you that allows you to share your love for this land with someone else.

I'm of the strong belief that the physical manifestation of this is extremely powerful. Think of your experience when you enter a well-kept home, or synagogue, or even park. Now think of it as others enter your country.

“The Holy Land” Game

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I consider myself an entrepreneur at heart but have never had the guts to start anything because I am a mom and need to be responsible. Am I kidding myself into thinking I have what it takes to run my own business?

Yes and no. Without a plan and actions, you are just a dreamer.

On the other hand, all it takes is one steady customer to be running a business. It might be a very very small business, but it's a world away from dreamer.

You don't need business cards, or a website, or a fancy graphic, or a special office.

You need a customer. Create a plan to get one. JUST ONE. It's best if your plan includes an accountability system, whether a friend, a coach, or a committee (I love the Shaquille O'Neal Interview on Art of Charm on this).

You need small actions, consistently. You're a mom, but you can make one phone call a day to ask for business at a set time every day. That's 365 calls. If one in a hundred says, “Yeah, I'll work with you,” that's 3.6 customers a year.

I trust that once you have the customer, you'll find the time to take care of him.

And switch how you think of things. If you see yourself as an entrepreneur, and you are not taking the actions, you are not being responsible already. In fact, you are modelling appalling behavior. Do you want your kids to just think/dream about stuff, or do you want them to go out and get it?

And in today's world, it can get scary to have to rely on one, or even two, jobs. But if you've got your own business, properly run, and have a decent plan for your future, you've got one heck of a shock absorber if other things go off the rails.

And if you are still stopped, I highly recommend a session with a coach, myself or my wife of course, Schedule Me I also highly recommend doing a course called the Landmark Forum. It's about getting clear of the conversations we have with ourselves that keep us getting in our own ways.