David Herz, Coach

Another Quora Question: Where can I meet a classy woman who dresses and acts sophisticated? Someone who'd want a family and who is confident in herself.

You're asking the wrong question. Try this:

How can I be the type of person that a classy, sophisticated, confident women would be interested in?

Then take a step every day to improve yourself to be that.

Learn great table manners, all manners for that matter. Learn to dress well, Learn to dance. Learn to be gentle and kind. Learn how to be the type of person who always leaves a profit, who never complains, who sees the world as an opportunity.

If you be that, they'll show up.

My answer originally stopped there, but I got some push back from Motez Assi:

Ok David, I feel comfortable in saying I do all of those things. I disagree with you, they don't just show up. You gotta go into the world to meet people they don't show up at your door practical suggestions over life advice would be great.

Fair enough and I am realizing oh so true. We have stopped raising these women. So they become harder and harder to find. You might want to start with the wives of all your admired friends. Tell them what you want-obviously being a match for that-and ask them who they know. Go to your place of religious worship, become involved in your communities, and make a practice of asking every single woman within ten years of your age (as long as she is of legal age) out for a coffee. Get insanely curious.

Be clear about what you want. It might very clearly not be the person you asked out to coffee. Don't be bashful about that. You can have another friend helping you out in your quest to find the right person.

Also lay out in detail a vision for the life you want, house, kids religion, money, pets, time with your family, time with hers, bank account balances, retirement funds, neighborhood. Share that vision. Maybe someone will be taken by it. Maybe someone will negotiate that with you or negotiate some middle line between hers and yours.

Let people know what your mission is, and invite them to be your partners. Give the one who puts you together naming rights for your first child.

I answer some version of this enough that it's worth my addressing separately. It can also come out as “I'm not in her class.” or “Why would she love me?” or “I can't possibly live up to her standard.” or “What could I offer her?” or “What could she possibly see in me?” or, worst of all “I don't love her as much as she loves me.” Feel free to swap the pronouns: I'm sure women have the same hang-ups.

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There is something fundamental missing in the foundation of many relationships, and it is our unwillingness to go there that leads to the unnecessary termination of a lot of marriages, and a lot of heart ache.

It's like this.

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I was at an event the other night, and ended up spending some time at the bar with a handful of women a few years older than I talking divorce. One was divorced already, another still married, happily I presume, and a third contemplating. She, at least it occurred so to me, was not complete with what was. There was a spark not yet extinguished.

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Wyron A

What is [sic] unconditional love's greatest errors?

I disagree with your premise. There is no issue with loving unconditionally. There is issue in being stupid and letting yourself be manipulated because of your love.

For instance, a child needs limits. If a parent doesn't provide them, he's not loving his child, he's abdicating his responsibility. Do you have any idea what it takes to not cave to a child at certain times? But I'd argue you are not loving your child if you do.

How about not enabling a junkie if that's your m.o? Or holding the hand of someone who's dying? Or letting a person make his own mistakes? And being ready to not be right about it?

So yes, love unconditionally, but be wise, be straight, be forthright, be responsible for your word.