David Herz, Coach

This is a shout out to those of you on the verge of parenthood:

You'll have about six million nuts come out of the woodwork to tell you how you ought to raise your child. Get their commitment, and then get that many, a whole lot, probably most of them, are just plain wrong.

On the one hand, you can do a great job, especially if you take some time to see things from your child's perspective, and study, and strive to understand. On the other, you can't possibly know it all, and it's a big job you're taking on.

So I invite you to consider taking on a structure to make sure you win.

Read more »

It's a new year, and for many that means New Year's Resolutions. The problem with those is that without a plan, they aren't much more than a wish and hope list. I offer the following eight questions as the opener for a year that will make a difference in your life.

1. What emotional state would you like to achieve at the end of 2015? (how do you want to FEEL!?)

2. What helps you achieve this state? (money? clients? time with loved ones? volunteering?)

3. How would you like your life to look at the end of 2015?

   I invite you here to be as specific as possible. The clearer you can see it, the more likely you'll produce it. For instance, you could say I want a decent job, or you could say I'd like to be making $50,000 a year helping people optimize their websites to build their customer lists and grow their businesses. You can see how the second already suggests the actions you'll need to take and the people you ought to contact to make it happen.

4. What do you really want in or during 2015?

5. How will you get this?

6. What obstacles have gotten in the way in the past, or will need to be hurdled in 2015?

7. What structure will you create so that you stay in action, on track, and winning throughout this year?

8. How will you know you’ve achieved your intentions?

Give yourself some time, maybe do this with a friend or spouse, and once you've done that, take one step today. Celebrate that. Then think about what your life will look like 365 steps from today, and start putting those in your calendar, even if it's only one day at a time.

And then consider if a coach might help you win the game you set out for yourself. As in sports, top performers know that they'll make the most headway with a coach to push them forward and keep them accountable. And if you think I might be that coach, I'd be tickled to go over your plan with you and set you up to win.

Some Thank Yous for the Year that Was

So I am ended 2014 on a high. I got clear on a lot of things, topmost being the value I provide to others, and while I am still working on marketing that well, I can't help but see opportunity almost everywhere I look.

For that I should be thanking people: Scott Dinsmore has been insisting that I am the average of the company I keep; so I've started keeping better company, much of it virtually. David Wood and his CoachMBA program have given me a huge boost in acknowledging the difference I make and making me a better coach. I've taken that out into the world and made people's lives better. I love doing that.

James Altucher constantly reminds me that one can reinvent and reimagine a life at any moment, and as long as one is willing, he will stay young. He agrees with Scott by the way. His last post, Who Is In Your Scene? makes the same point about the company you keep.

People like Ramit Sethi, Tim Ferris, and Jason Fladlien keep me present to the fact that everything in life can be “hacked,” and that a creative mind, one like mine, can provide amazing value.

And while I have been reinventing myself and learning to hack life, I attended Marisa Murgatroyd's Business Superhero Summit, and now I am helping people and companies optimize their websites to drive business in addition to coaching.

My Takeaway

I've also learned a lot, but the biggest lesson is that I can't do it all, as much as I'd like to. I've had a website and some form of blog for two and a half years already. And I tend to be cheap; so I figured I'd learn to code the damned thing myself. I got the basics down (HTML, CSS, some PHP, JavaScript, Bootstrap etc.), but I just can't make a website do what I want. I used to append a “yet” to that statement, but I finally internalized that time is my most limited resource, and I'd much rather spend it rocking people's lives.

So I'll never code this site, but I'll soon find someone who can do it better, faster and more efficiently than I could hope to. And letting that go, and getting off dozens of lists, deleting thousands of e-mails and getting my inbox under control, has given me the space to finally play the bigger games I'd like to.

Sometimes you just get one of those e-mails you have to share. Here's a particularly good one from James Altucher:
How I Learned To Be The Most Selfish Person Alive (Or... What I Learned From Podcasting This Past Year)

So a client of mine is looking for work, and there is a position available that is a great fit for her. There is a particular process for applying, and the competition can be stiff; so we looked at what can give her the edge.

We realized a personal connections to the hiring committee would make a difference. She could get a better sense of what the committee wants, and position herself as the person best suited to provide that.

So she started looking, and quickly found two people with connections in the right places. She was really proud (as she should be) and sent me a message that she just asked one to "help out." If you take a moment to think about that request though, it is unlikely to get her much help, and might even work against her.

She didn't actually ask this person to do any specific thing. Maybe he'll pick up the phone, speak to his contacts, and call my client back with a bunch of information she already has, and feel that he has already "helped." When she gets around to making a specific request, he might realize it was more than he had expected and not come through, or feel like he's already done his part.

The first thing she needs is a plan. She needs to know what is necessary for the application and by when. Then she can make a list of the things she might want to know: who are the various stakeholders, who is on the selection committee, what are they seeking, what is going on inside the department, what do people wish would be there, what people will most miss in the person she is replacing, just to throw out a handful.

Next, she should look to see what her friend can provide, and when it would make the most impact. Only then should she approach him and ask him to help, and the request should look something like this:

Dear J:
I'll be applying to X in 6 weeks. It's a really great job and I think you could make a huge difference in my getting it.

[Here she should state what she'll want him to do, and when, and to be as specific as she can.]

Can I count on you to help me make that contact for me in about two weeks time?

This way, she can get him to commit to a specific action without him actually having to do anything right away. He'll have a sense of what's expected and will know when he is going to be receiving the call. We've set it up so it's easy for him to say yes. It's far enough out that it's not creating any immediate stress, yet close enough that it will not be forgotten when the call comes.

Incidentally, in getting him to say yes now, she'll have gotten him to make what marketers call a micro-commitment, which will up the chance that he'll follow throught on the next step.

So let's take a look at what makes the difference. The help must be defined. When it has a size and shape, it can be realistically related to. The action requested should be discrete, set in time, and given a context. So my suggestion is that she share with her friend her plan, let him know what part she'd like him to play, and let him know what it means to her.

When he says yes, she should not only thank him, but ask him what she can do to support him in getting it done: would a reminder help, should she draft an e-mail for him, provide him a call script, etc. She should also ask him if he's got any ideas. While it might make sense to run the action as much as possible, he shouldn't feel run, and he might just come up with a gem she hadn't thought of.

Not sure what action to take next? Want help taking the next step forward? You might want to Consider Coaching. I'll help you get clear so that you can be in action on the things that matter most to you. If you are interested, click the contact link above and send me a quick message.

I woke yesterday and rose to pray as usual. I took the dog's leash and went out. I was struck by how he is with the world. Quite simply, his appearance at my appearance with the leash was one of joy. I thought to myself how a human might relate to the same situation.

Here is a creature who loves to run free, and he is chained up to a bathtub in the side yard at least 23 hours a day, gets food when we remember, and is excited when we bring our food waste to the compost pile.. When someone shows up for a ten minute walk he is just bouncy. My point is he just accepts his context and plays from there.

I think of how many a human would relate, lament his chains, moan that he must suffer the elements when others can come inside, and suffer that he only gets out ten minutes a day. He couldn't enjoy his ten minutes because he would know he is returning to his bonds.

I don't think the dog has any capacity to choose. He just is and that's okay. However humans do, and so often we choose to dwell on the negative, the mortgage that must be paid instead of the fact that there is a roof over our head, the lack of a job instead of the capacity to work, the extra few pounds instead of the fact that we have what to eat.

So what to do. Orientating ourselves to the positive is quite achievable. As Shawn Achor of GoodThink relates about eleven minutes into his Ted Talk, it's a matter of gratitude, reflection, exercise and acts of kindness.

To get started, pick one. I think gratitude is the easiest. Start thanking people. Start noticing what they can be thanked for. Some people always seem to have a smile for us. Some will always pick up the phone when we call. Note it and say thank you at least three times a day. Try it for three weeks and let me know how it's going.