David Herz, Coach

A client suggested that his Christian training is to “give his life away.” This was inside of a conversation in which he was frustrated that his support for a certain family kept him from keeping other commitments in his life.

But here's the thing – and I am not Christian so I might be completely off here – G-d didn't say that you've got to give your life to any particular thing. In this case, my client is also a coach.

He gives his life to helping other people express their best and highest selves, to get them out of their own ways so that they can live the lives they say they want. And he gets paid for this.

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One of my on-line muses just shared a part of his new daughter experience and asked for some directionon his blog. Here's what I had to say:

Dear Danny:

We all have knowledge that we can't possibly share. And sometimes, when we can share it, we can share it with the world, and sometimes we can just share it with one, who might not even understand. And sometimes the only way we can learn is to make our own mistakes.

I don't think you are asking the right question though. It doesn't matter what we want. This is your life and it matters what you want.

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I asked an old college friend of mine if she would be showing up for our 25th reunion. She's wrapping up her Ph.D. soon, and there is this professional conference the same weekend, in France, for researchers in her field. She wants a research job, and she thinks it would be a good opportunity to network .

I suggested that Cornell might also be good for that. I'll just share the part that caused me to write again:

Me: Do you have a plan for returning with a job?
Her: No. Not really. I have a tentative plan for returning with a postdoc maybe. The problem with these academic jobs is their seasonality. I have a good lead on a postdoc starting in September though.

This was just painful for me to read. There's a great big world out there. She's in an interesting field, she has multiple degrees, and she's looking at the prospect of . . .

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I got a great writing cue from my friend Sarah Lou Cooper this morning.

Hey Selfologists,

What are your favourite time wasters?
Why is it a waste of time?
Does it actually give anything to you or serve a hidden purpose?
What do you feel you should be doing? What could you be doing?

Sarah Lou x

I love this question, especially with where I am right now.

My favorite time waster is taking care of my wife and taking on projects in our household. Yesterday, for instance, I took the alarm system out of her car. It was malfunctioning, and the car wouldn't always start, and she had gotten stuck with it and didn't trust it anymore.

It's a waste of time because my time should and would be worth more than this, that is if I put myself to my best and highest use. We wouldn't have a malfunctioning alarm system in a fourteen year old car, because we wouldn't be driving a car that old. So it's a waste of time because I use the notion that “I am taking care of her” to justify not taking responsibility for living into a bigger future.

What I should be doing is making the world a better place by reforming systems of education, governments, and bureaucracies, teaching and training populations to think and inspiring them to bold action.

That seems a bit scary to take on though; so I've been playing it safe, but that's been killing me; so I guess I've really got no alternative.

“I am currently a lawyer and do not like it . . . did you struggle with that?”

This question, raised in a facebook group I follow, is the wrong one to be asking. A lot of people aren't happy with their jobs. But without looking a bit deeper, the chance of finding a “satisfying” job is probably pretty small. There is always what to like or dislike about a job or profession, and there is always a way to find “satisfaction,” and even a way to turn it into struggle.

So what might give you access to a job you like? Start looking at what you like about your job? If you love the law (you can substitute your profession here), but hate the clients, that might point you in a different direction than loving the people, but hating to be in the middle of their conflicts, or loving the fight, but hating the administration, or just not liking to keep normal office hours.

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