David Herz, Coach

Every now and then you come across a quote that is worth sharing, and this is the one I found today:

New Seeds of Contemplation

by Thomas Merton

“What is serious to men is often very trivial in the sight of God. What in God might appear to us as “play” is perhaps what He Himself takes most seriously. At any rate the Lord plays and diverts Himself in the garden of His creation, and if we could let go of our own obsession with what we think is the meaning of it all, we might be able to hear His call and follow Him in His mysterious, cosmic dance. We do not have to go very far to catch echoes of that game, and of that dancing. When we are alone on a starlit night; when by chance we see the migrating birds in autumn descending on a grove of junipers to rest and eat; when we see children in a moment when they are really children; when we know love in our own hearts; or when, like the Japanese poet Basho, we hear an old frog land in a quiet pond with a solitary splash--at such times the awakening, the turning inside out of all values, the “newness,” the emptiness and the purity of vision that make themselves evident,provide a glimpse of the cosmic dance.

“For the world and time are the dance of the Lord in emptiness. The silence of the spheres is the music of a wedding feast. The more we persist in misunderstanding the phenomena of life, the more we analyze them out into strange finalities and complex purposes of our own, the more we involve ourselves in sadness, absurdity, and despair. But it does not matter much, because no despair of ours can alter the reality of things, or stain the joy of the cosmic dance which is always there. Indeed, we are in the midst of it, and it is in the midst of us, for it beats in our very blood, whether we want it to or not.

“Yet the fact remains that we are invited to forget ourselves on purpose, cast our awful solemnity to the winds and join in the general dance.”

If he says you are ugly and not good enough for him, I'd take on that he's not good enough for you.

Look around you. You could find a reason to consider almost every person out there ugly. You could also find genius in each one if you look.

If you don't see the beautiful when you look at yourself, you're not looking for the right thing.

We tend to be harsh judges of ourselves, and that's a shame for the world. Don't do that. Let your beauty out. Someone out there will appreciate it, and want to celebrate it with you over the long term, if that's what you want.

Let this one go. No, cast him aside. He's not worth your time, which is the only thing you can not get back in life.

I was on a call a few minutes ago, a periodic collection of the friends of Jeff Pulver. He gets folk together over Zoom, and then (his sister) splits them out into rooms to share their passions, get to know each other a little, and allow a little magic to happen. You're welcome to join us by the way: just follow the link and follow to his “Zula.”

So today, I was twice in a room with a certain metaphysicist, Reiki Master, like that. And he let out that he thinks that our current pandemic is the result of a conspiracy of the rich who are only getting richer right now.

And I got it is what you make of it. It's also been an opportunity to slow down and be with our people, regroup, reinvent, and create new realities.

I was left with why do we have to make things so damned difficult, kind of what I've been doing a lot of.

So people, don't be afraid to keep it simple, to go with the most obvious explanation. It leaves you free to go deep on the things that really matter, I hope.

What should I do when I'm not over my ex 4 months later? He's my coworker and I see him every day. I still have that hope that we might get back together. He broke up with me saying he wants to be financially stable first and it's just a timing thing.

He gave you a stupid excuse to break up and you let him get away with it.

You invite him out to a coffee, at a dollar coffee place (you don’t want to show yourself a spendthrift), or even the coffee room in your office, and you have a conversation with him.

You ask him straight out if he were financially stable, would he marry you today?

If the answer is no, you get it complete, this exercise, and move on as friends.

If his answer is an emphatic yes, then tell him his excuse is unacceptable. Couples do better financially, but you are all with the being filthy rich thing, and then you make a plan to get married, align your financial goals, study wealth, and get “financially stable,” to which you will have put specific measures.

A great place to start on a strong marriage is Marriage Archives | The Art of Manliness. He’s also got some on how to talk money with your spouse.

You’ll also want to spend time with Jim Rohn’s Best Year Ever speech (my notes on that). You can find it on YouTube. It’s four hours long and worth every minute. Take good notes, and expect to come back to it often.

Rohn’s main point is if you want to be wealthy, study wealth. But the same goes for great relationships.

But also, be clear that you are up to this. Maybe review some of these resources first, and look if you are ready to bring the discipline and mindset they require to your life.

And then ask yourself honestly, is he? Is he wishing for things to get better, as they often do, but sometimes don’t, or does he have a plan? He already occurs to me as a bit of a flake. If he isn’t willing to grow up and be the kind of person who creates “financial stability,” which he claims is important to him, will he grow up to be the kind of person who creates a great relationship over the long haul?

When is it time to give up on getting an ex back? I’m the one who broke up with him & when I asked to try again he said he needed to think about it. (Together for 3 years & broke up because college was too much)

You couldn’t integrate this relationship into your life. You didn’t trust that he’d wait for you. You didn’t ask for his help to get you through. You related to your relationship like it was one class too many that you had to cut to get through the semester.

That’s what you need to take responsibility for. Are you willing to commit to being a partner, to asking for help, to communicating needs without killing the relationship?

If you are willing to go there, then you’ve got to let him know, and apologize for cutting him off instead of asking for his support.

You asked when. The when is when you are willing to be the person he needs to actually create a relationship. You might want to call him, take responsibility for what was, and ask what it was you missed that would and could have made this work. And when he tells you, check in with yourself if you can bring that now.