David Herz, Coach

I got a great writing cue from my friend Sarah Lou Cooper this morning.

Hey Selfologists,

What are your favourite time wasters?
Why is it a waste of time?
Does it actually give anything to you or serve a hidden purpose?
What do you feel you should be doing? What could you be doing?

Sarah Lou x

I love this question, especially with where I am right now.

My favorite time waster is taking care of my wife and taking on projects in our household. Yesterday, for instance, I took the alarm system out of her car. It was malfunctioning, and the car wouldn't always start, and she had gotten stuck with it and didn't trust it anymore.

It's a waste of time because my time should and would be worth more than this, that is if I put myself to my best and highest use. We wouldn't have a malfunctioning alarm system in a fourteen year old car, because we wouldn't be driving a car that old. So it's a waste of time because I use the notion that “I am taking care of her” to justify not taking responsibility for living into a bigger future.

What I should be doing is making the world a better place by reforming systems of education, governments, and bureaucracies, teaching and training populations to think and inspiring them to bold action.

That seems a bit scary to take on though; so I've been playing it safe, but that's been killing me; so I guess I've really got no alternative.

“I am currently a lawyer and do not like it . . . did you struggle with that?”

This question, raised in a facebook group I follow, is the wrong one to be asking. A lot of people aren't happy with their jobs. But without looking a bit deeper, the chance of finding a “satisfying” job is probably pretty small. There is always what to like or dislike about a job or profession, and there is always a way to find “satisfaction,” and even a way to turn it into struggle.

So what might give you access to a job you like? Start looking at what you like about your job? If you love the law (you can substitute your profession here), but hate the clients, that might point you in a different direction than loving the people, but hating to be in the middle of their conflicts, or loving the fight, but hating the administration, or just not liking to keep normal office hours.

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This is a shout out to those of you on the verge of parenthood:

You'll have about six million nuts come out of the woodwork to tell you how you ought to raise your child. Get their commitment, and then get that many, a whole lot, probably most of them, are just plain wrong.

On the one hand, you can do a great job, especially if you take some time to see things from your child's perspective, and study, and strive to understand. On the other, you can't possibly know it all, and it's a big job you're taking on.

So I invite you to consider taking on a structure to make sure you win.

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My theme for this year is success, both financially and in making a profound difference in life and business.

Last week, I asked a number of questions. This week I answered them for myself. How I want to feel at the end of this year is successful, happy, and fulfilled. What will help me achieve this is bringing the possibility of success, happiness and fulfilment to my life. Now, I know this sounds like mental gymnastics, but bear with me a few minutes and I think it will make sense.

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It's a new year, and for many that means New Year's Resolutions. The problem with those is that without a plan, they aren't much more than a wish and hope list. I offer the following eight questions as the opener for a year that will make a difference in your life.

1. What emotional state would you like to achieve at the end of 2015? (how do you want to FEEL!?)

2. What helps you achieve this state? (money? clients? time with loved ones? volunteering?)

3. How would you like your life to look at the end of 2015?

   I invite you here to be as specific as possible. The clearer you can see it, the more likely you'll produce it. For instance, you could say I want a decent job, or you could say I'd like to be making $50,000 a year helping people optimize their websites to build their customer lists and grow their businesses. You can see how the second already suggests the actions you'll need to take and the people you ought to contact to make it happen.

4. What do you really want in or during 2015?

5. How will you get this?

6. What obstacles have gotten in the way in the past, or will need to be hurdled in 2015?

7. What structure will you create so that you stay in action, on track, and winning throughout this year?

8. How will you know you’ve achieved your intentions?

Give yourself some time, maybe do this with a friend or spouse, and once you've done that, take one step today. Celebrate that. Then think about what your life will look like 365 steps from today, and start putting those in your calendar, even if it's only one day at a time.

And then consider if a coach might help you win the game you set out for yourself. As in sports, top performers know that they'll make the most headway with a coach to push them forward and keep them accountable. And if you think I might be that coach, I'd be tickled to go over your plan with you and set you up to win.

Some Thank Yous for the Year that Was

So I am ended 2014 on a high. I got clear on a lot of things, topmost being the value I provide to others, and while I am still working on marketing that well, I can't help but see opportunity almost everywhere I look.

For that I should be thanking people: Scott Dinsmore has been insisting that I am the average of the company I keep; so I've started keeping better company, much of it virtually. David Wood and his CoachMBA program have given me a huge boost in acknowledging the difference I make and making me a better coach. I've taken that out into the world and made people's lives better. I love doing that.

James Altucher constantly reminds me that one can reinvent and reimagine a life at any moment, and as long as one is willing, he will stay young. He agrees with Scott by the way. His last post, Who Is In Your Scene? makes the same point about the company you keep.

People like Ramit Sethi, Tim Ferris, and Jason Fladlien keep me present to the fact that everything in life can be “hacked,” and that a creative mind, one like mine, can provide amazing value.

And while I have been reinventing myself and learning to hack life, I attended Marisa Murgatroyd's Business Superhero Summit, and now I am helping people and companies optimize their websites to drive business in addition to coaching.

My Takeaway

I've also learned a lot, but the biggest lesson is that I can't do it all, as much as I'd like to. I've had a website and some form of blog for two and a half years already. And I tend to be cheap; so I figured I'd learn to code the damned thing myself. I got the basics down (HTML, CSS, some PHP, JavaScript, Bootstrap etc.), but I just can't make a website do what I want. I used to append a “yet” to that statement, but I finally internalized that time is my most limited resource, and I'd much rather spend it rocking people's lives.

So I'll never code this site, but I'll soon find someone who can do it better, faster and more efficiently than I could hope to. And letting that go, and getting off dozens of lists, deleting thousands of e-mails and getting my inbox under control, has given me the space to finally play the bigger games I'd like to.