David Herz, Coach

One of the people who I follow James Altucher and whose advice I take on certain matters swears by the practice of writing down ten ideas a day. On his facebook group, someone recently posted that her ten ideas accountability group has space for one more. A whole bunch of people applied, and I put my name up too. And then I remembered what Tony said to James in his last podcast: He doesn't leave a good idea on the table. If he is going to go with it, he takes an immediate action. So I did. I started my own Ten Ideas group. Come join us if you'd like to play along.

Ten Ideas to Keep Me Accountable

1. Get a coach
2. Share my promises with people who will hold me to them.
3. Set a stake a la http://www.stickk.com/
4. Get present to a clear Why/something bigger than me that is worthy of myself.
5. Measure the use of my time.
6. Master the art of scheduling.
7. Celebrate my victories/acknowledge what I do get done.
8. Put myself in a position that I have no option but to succeed.
9. Use the group in my seminar/the technology of Landmark to generate possibility and enroll the people around me.
10. Declare that I am the only one who can create the change that I'd like to see in the world.

I am 28 with character and with no degree. I feel I am wasted, but I want to change my present state. I know that it's too late for nothing, but the feeling of guilt is just eating me from the inside and I am single. What should I do to revive myself back to a meaningful life?

Try this:

1. Write down three things every day for which you are grateful.
2. Reach out to one person and thank them for some contribution they have made in your life.
3. Write down ten ideas a day.
4. Get enough sleep every day.
5. Get exercise every day, even if it’s only a twenty minute walk.
6. Become excellent at something, it doesn’t matter what, riding a skateboard, cooking, coding, listening, dancing.
7. Make a difference in someone’s life. Find a senior center near you, and just visit with people. Ask them to tell you about their lives and just listen. Ask them the one thing they would do if they were 28 again, and then go out and do it and tell them about it.

As a 28 year old unmarried man, what is the one thing I should look forward to in my future?

The one thing that I can predict is your being a 28 years and one day old unmarried man.

The thing is we walk around thinking the future will happen to us. Some of us get lucky and it does, but most people just get to the next day, which looks exactly like this day.

If you want a different future, you declare a different future, and then you make a plan for that future and then you put that plan in your calendar, and you take the steps you wrote down there.

So the only question left is what do you want to declare. And if you want help structuring your life to get that:

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Sometimes I run across one of my Quora answers again at a later date. I saw this one, and it hit me in the gut:

Q: How Could Someone Have it All and Still be Unhappy?

A: Because no matter how good it is, you can always focus on something that isn't perfect or doesn't match your expectations, and that is called ultimate failure in life. You want to know what I believe success is. Success is creating consistent pleasure in your life, and causing yourself to grow. Failure is being able to find pain, no matter how good it is.

The reason it hit me is that I do have it all. There's enough money in the bank that I don't have to worry about food and shelter for quite some time. I have four amazing, adorable children, and I include in that my 18 year old, who has been older than I am for years. I'm really smart. People love me. I make a huge difference in people's lives.

And Yet?

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One of the things I am really big on is putting your past in your past. (I highly recommend Landmark. for this.) Most of that lies in the stories we well ourselves about what happened and how the world is.

So today, I'd like to invite you to write down all the things you say about your gender, the opposite gender, and relationships. Maybe start with a list this morning. Ask your friends and coworkers about theirs during the day, and then add to the list this evening the things they say.

Then go back to each item and ask yourself, “Do you act like you believe it?” I'm not asking if you believe it. I'm sure there's stuff you know to be wrong, but you act that way anyway. One of mine is that there is stuff that you just don't share. And I know I can share anything with my wife and she'll still love me.

Then ask yourself if it's true. In my example, it's no: whatever it is, I don't think I've ever felt worse for sharing, and Sharleen usually helps. On top of that, Sharleen worries less not having to guess about what's bothering me.

What you want to notice is how much you limit yourself and how you put yourself out there based on the stories you tell, and the rules that go with them: how soon to text or call, when can you call it a date, what you can or can't talk about, when you can kiss her. The thing is a lot of us straight-jacket ourselves and then wonder why a date is no fun, if we can even get one.

Last, ask yourself, if I didn't have to be that way (which you don't), what way could I be? Then bring that to your next encounter, and see what happens. It might not get you the result you want right away. You might have to adjust along the way, but you'll be free to do that, and have a lot more fun along the way.

And, as always, if I can help you do that, I'd be happy to:

Book Here