David Herz, Coach

Jakob Owens

My fiance says I stress him out and he needs space but does not want to break up. He booked an Airbnb for 3 weeks and has blocked my number. What should I do?

First, you should complete what was. You don't need to get married just because you invested all this time in a relationship.

Let's start with, knowing everything you do about him, would you still choose him if you only met him today?

If no, stop reading and end it. If yes, keep going.

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How can I develop a mature and yet attractive character?

I'm an 18 year old girl. How can I develop a mature character before going to 12th grade after this summer? I want to start being normal and mature unlike my 11th grade self who was so weird and had an inconsistent character.

You can first be yourself. I don't know what mature means to you, but in my book it starts with understanding that the only person you really need to serve in this world is yourself.

A mature person cries when he feels like crying and laughs when the world amuses him. A mature person doesn't worry if he looks weird. A mature person realizes that most people are way too concerned about how they look to worry too much about the next person. A mature person gets that those who laugh at someone else usually do so to avoid people looking too closely at themselves.

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Stupid questions just send you down the rabbit hole. This is a stupid question.

Why don't you ask instead, “How can I make my wife smile today? How can I make her feel loved and gotten and respected?” and then go do that.

Maybe she doesn't want someone better. Maybe she just wants you to be the best you you can be. “How can I be great today?” might be another good question.

Or “How can I be the type of person that my wife wouldn't even think of looking anywhere else?” You know, the person you were that she married. Bring that fun, that sense of play, that excitement, to today, and maybe you'll have a chance.

And if she doesn't appreciate all those things anymore, that you both brought to make it fun and alive and exciting, maybe it's time to move on and find someone who does.

And if you want help with this, reach out. It's what I'm here for.

I let my Girlfriend go because I can't bear to see her cry any longer. Was it the right thing to do?

I decided to let her go, and I'll regret it, but I'm dealing with a lot of problems: dad got a stroke, mom's asthma worsens, and my company is on the verge of bankruptcy. I am very depressed. I drink every night to feel numb. My girlfriend shares my pain and she always cries. It kills me to see her that way.

You are an idiot. You dumped your girlfriend because you can't stand yourself, you wallow in self-pity, she feels for you, and because she feels for you, and you feel guilty about it, you dump her.

No, it was the wrong thing to do. My question: “Do you have the balls to do the right thing?”

The right thing:

1. Declare that you are the source of all your problems.
2. Look at all your problems and find what to be grateful for inside them:
   • Dad had a stroke: Thank your maker that he didn't die, and you still have a dad that you can visit and get complete with before he dies. Acknowledge him for the life he gave you and everything that is good in it. Forgive him for anything that you have been blaming him for. Take responsibility for anything that does not work.
   • Your mom: Same thing. You still have a mom. Find a way to make her smile every day. Find a way to make her proud of you every day.
   • Your company: If you own it, find a way to save it or pivot so that it makes money. If it's going bust and there's no saving it, close and complete it's business in as honorable a way as you can. Get that you actually got the privilege to run a company. That's a big deal, even if it failed. Most do, by the way. If it's someone else's, stop acting like an employee and start acting like an owner. Find ways to add such massive value that it can survive. Or find another job.
3. The alcohol just screws you up. Stop it. Get to bed by 10:00. Get up at 5:30, make your bed, straighten out your room, and get some exercise. Write down ten ideas a day, write down three things to be grateful for, and then reach out to someone in your life and thank them, and don't be afraid to reach back 10 or 20 years and let people know they touched you. Pick one thing that you are going to accomplish that day. Then do it.
4. Find other ways to make money, even if it's cleaning out kitty litter for old cat ladies who can't take proper care of their cats anymore.
5. Last, complete with your girlfriend: How to Leave Your Ex Behind. But in this case, you are not going to leave her behind. She loves you. You love her. Your job is going to be to make her right. Every amazing thing she sees in you, you are going to ask yourself “How can I bring that to the world today?” instead of trying to prove that you are not that.

I hereby deny you any permission to second guess your girlfriend. If she says she loves you, you are just going to have to accept that you are lovable. You are going to take on that she sees every defect, wart, every cruddy thing you have ever done, and she still loves you, and that's okay.

And stop asking stupid questions like “Was it the Right Thing to Do?” That just gets your head spinning about what happened in the past that you can't change anymore. Ask instead: “What is the rightest thing I can do with what I know right now?” And then do that and don't look back.

And if you need help with any of this Hire Me. I promise you you'll have the best year ever.

What should I do and avoid to do to improve myself by 1% every single day?

1. Sleep enough
2. Eat Well
3. Exercise
4. Touch one person’s life
5. Practice whatever it is you want to get better at. Get a coach to make sure you are doing the kind of practice that will lead to the quickest results. See Jim Kwik, Tim Ferriss, Eric Barker (there are many others) to help you get the results you want fastest.
6. Practice Gratitude

Make sure the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual are all addressed each day. For some this is walk in the park, literally. For others it’s some kind of meditation, mindfulness practice, or keeping a journal. For some it’s writing down ten ideas a day (I highly recommend this). Pick your flavor and stick with it.

And get a coach. I have limited slots available at the moment. Let's talk. Use coupon code LIMITED50. This will only be available for the first five takers or until my schedule is fully booked again.