David Herz, Coach

Ben suggests some of us are playing the lottery. Instead of having a plan, and doing the things that bring business, and knowing what's necessary, we keep stabbing at items hoping something will click.

So sometimes things do, but they don't hold, because there is no plan. So if you want your business to thrive this year, and it works for your life too, maybe with a little tweaking, here are the steps:

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Q: Why do I feel like I regret being in my relationship?

Because you have given up something to be there, whether your freedom, time with your friends, family, hobbies, religion, etc.

What you want to do is look to see if you actually negotiated any of this, or just did it because you thought you had to, or if he demanded it.

You should make a list of the things that are important to you (including future kids, relationship to money, religion, whose family to spend the holidays with), that fill your soul, that give you meaning in the world, that worry you, that make you sad, etc.

Then you should ask yourself if you can even share these with him, or if you would to make the relationship work. If you can't do that (to most of it anyway), you're still wearing a mask and the relationship has barely begun.

If you can, then start talking to him about the things you need to structure back in to make it work, and figure out how to honor yourself while you honor the relationship.

And if he can't or won't, or makes what you think is important small, then get out and find someone who is more willing to partner with you.

Asked on Quora: What should a person do when they are unsure of what they want in a relationship, and are not sure if it is worth continuing their current relationship?

Maybe start by looking at what you want inside what the younger version of you wanted.

If you go there, it's usually a spouse, a house, a few kids, maybe a dog. Heck, that's what nature wants for us.

And if that's what you want, you might want to start looking realistically at what is necessary to have those things there: shared family values, a shared religion, a similar outlook on life, a similar ethic as to money, family, etc.

Then when you have all that down, look at your current relationship, maybe ask if that's where he sees it going. What are his dreams? Where does he see himself in five years. Are you in the picture, or were you just a station along the way.

And if that doesn't jive with where you are and what you want, then move on and find someone willing to be the partner you deserve.

Quora Question: How do you end and stay away from a toxic relationship?

You make a clear set of red-line rules that you commit to keeping and walking away the minute any of those lines is crossed. Here are some I would suggest:

• He is unkind to people, waiters, clerks, support staff, people he doesn't owe anything to, like that.
• He tries to put a wedge between you and your family and friends.
• He pushes you to be someone you don't want to be or do things you don't want to do.
• He causes you to question your reason or sanity.
• He makes you feel small, or ugly, or unworthy.
• He talks about how lucky you are to have him, rather than the other way around.

If you are in one of these already, you develop an exit plan. If there is any fear he might get violent, you make sure you have the right support around.

Obviously, you can swap the sexes. It goes both ways.

Another Quora Question: Where can I meet a classy woman who dresses and acts sophisticated? Someone who'd want a family and who is confident in herself.

You're asking the wrong question. Try this:

How can I be the type of person that a classy, sophisticated, confident women would be interested in?

Then take a step every day to improve yourself to be that.

Learn great table manners, all manners for that matter. Learn to dress well, Learn to dance. Learn to be gentle and kind. Learn how to be the type of person who always leaves a profit, who never complains, who sees the world as an opportunity.

If you be that, they'll show up.

My answer originally stopped there, but I got some push back from Motez Assi:

Ok David, I feel comfortable in saying I do all of those things. I disagree with you, they don't just show up. You gotta go into the world to meet people they don't show up at your door practical suggestions over life advice would be great.

Fair enough and I am realizing oh so true. We have stopped raising these women. So they become harder and harder to find. You might want to start with the wives of all your admired friends. Tell them what you want-obviously being a match for that-and ask them who they know. Go to your place of religious worship, become involved in your communities, and make a practice of asking every single woman within ten years of your age (as long as she is of legal age) out for a coffee. Get insanely curious.

Be clear about what you want. It might very clearly not be the person you asked out to coffee. Don't be bashful about that. You can have another friend helping you out in your quest to find the right person.

Also lay out in detail a vision for the life you want, house, kids religion, money, pets, time with your family, time with hers, bank account balances, retirement funds, neighborhood. Share that vision. Maybe someone will be taken by it. Maybe someone will negotiate that with you or negotiate some middle line between hers and yours.

Let people know what your mission is, and invite them to be your partners. Give the one who puts you together naming rights for your first child.