What Do You Already Say?

By David Herz

Posted on Jan 30, 2017 by in Relationships, Advice

One of the things I am really big on is putting your past in your past. (I highly recommend Landmark. for this.) Most of that lies in the stories we well ourselves about what happened and how the world is.

So today, I'd like to invite you to write down all the things you say about your gender, the opposite gender, and relationships. Maybe start with a list this morning. Ask your friends and coworkers about theirs during the day, and then add to the list this evening the things they say.

Then go back to each item and ask yourself, “Do you act like you believe it?” I'm not asking if you believe it. I'm sure there's stuff you know to be wrong, but you act that way anyway. One of mine is that there is stuff that you just don't share. And I know I can share anything with my wife and she'll still love me.

Then ask yourself if it's true. In my example, it's no: whatever it is, I don't think I've ever felt worse for sharing, and Sharleen usually helps. On top of that, Sharleen worries less not having to guess about what's bothering me.

What you want to notice is how much you limit yourself and how you put yourself out there based on the stories you tell, and the rules that go with them: how soon to text or call, when can you call it a date, what you can or can't talk about, when you can kiss her. The thing is a lot of us straight-jacket ourselves and then wonder why a date is no fun, if we can even get one.

Last, ask yourself, if I didn't have to be that way (which you don't), what way could I be? Then bring that to your next encounter, and see what happens. It might not get you the result you want right away. You might have to adjust along the way, but you'll be free to do that, and have a lot more fun along the way.

And, as always, if I can help you do that, I'd be happy to:

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This entry was posted by David Herz and filed under Relationships, Advice. Tags: Completing the Past, Relationship, Rules, Stories.

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