Category: "General"

Yes, No, and Thank You

Posted on Nov 11, 2014 by in General

Inside of an assignment to “pay attention to what I am paying attention to,” I noticed I am often run by an internal conversation about scarcity.

This showed up when my coach broached the subject of virtual assistants, his point being that if I can do work I love that pays well, why would I do work I like less that someone else would do for a fraction of my own rates.

My first reaction was that I like taking care of my kids, but then I noticed that I easily spend an hour attached to the kitchen every day. If I spent those six hours coaching people, I could afford to have someone do all my cooking for me. Heck if I re-tasked the hours I spend waiting on lines, chasing sales, getting a better price, agonizing over whether I can afford the next tool or program, I could afford a live-in, a newer car, and I'd have more time for the family as well.

And as I look wider, this is a pretty big theme in my life. I've lost count of the opportunities I've passed over because there wasn't the time or the money (I've never been that poor). I hoard stuff because you never know when you might need it. I rescue abandoned books, I return deposit bottles. I even used to water my garden with bath water. Now I don't water it at all since the kids don't take baths anymore.

This isn't to say there isn't something to be said for “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle,” but I seem to take it to absurd lengths. There is always an opportunity cost, but I am thrown to dismiss that (that's the internal dialogue), probably because I don't place the appropriate value on the moments in my life.

The result of all this is that my history is full of moments that could have been but for a yes that never came. I've seen two posts this week on the topic. Ramit Sethi has embraced taking on a Quest. James Altucher has asked if we are getting enough high stakes moments.

These can only come when I say yes, especially when that scares me, when I put myself at risk, and allow myself to be less than perfect, when I admit that I am human and that my “failures” are how I learn, not who I am (and I've spent altogether too much time here).

And when I say yes to myself, I must sometimes say no to someone else. When I don't value my moments, I forget to say no. I give them away in ways that don't carry me where I want to go. And that's a shame, because those are the moments in which I can take my castles in the air and plant them on the ground.

And last, thank you. It's Veterans Day and Thanksgiving is around the corner. For all who stood to protect us and give us the world we live in, Thank You. For the providence that brought us here, Thank You. And for this moment and those still before me, Thank You.

And for those who could use a little help saying yes, or no, or thank you, I invite you to start today. Contact me, and we'll see what we can do about planting your castles.

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Being Who We Want Our Children to Be

Posted on Oct 30, 2014 by in General

A friend of mine shared with me “I probably need to get divorced.” I hadn't been in touch with him for a while, and was a little surprised that he wasn't already long divorced. A few years ago, he discovered that his preference is not for women. He does have a child.

I got to thinking about why a person might stay like this when it is so fundamentally at odds with who he is. Aside from inertia, I imagine his child has something to do with it. There is plenty of data out there about the benefits to a child of growing up in a two parent home, but I wonder about the model that he is providing.

I come back to this theme a lot because my experience is not always in line with what I want for my children. In my case, I want my children to have love in their lives and to be happy. I'd also like them to be curious, bold, take risks, chase their dreams, and play full out, but I think these are just what I see as a path to greater happiness.

On the one hand, I know kids come through pretty well despite a lot of parental noise and stupidity. On the other, I can't help thinking that the model we provide has a pretty strong influence. And I wonder about what our children pick up in the balance. If my friend is staying in his marriage for his child, is his child necessarily getting the message he wants him to?

If he saw his child in a relationship that went against his fundamental nature, would he tell his child to just hang in there a bit longer? I doubt it. But it's possible that this is the message his child is getting. In my case, I don't want my kids to sacrifice themselves on the altar of what's good for someone else, even if that someone else is his own child. Rather, I think if he takes great care of his own needs – obviously responsibly and with respect – his child will learn to do the same. And if that's what I think will work for my child, it's who I ought be.

I certainly don't want my children feeling like I am a victim of their existence. So I guess I am left with what best serves my child is my being great and fulfilled in my own life. Where I am not that, it is my role as a parent to work responsibly to be great and fulfilled, happy and loved, so that my kids can have that in their own lives. In other words, the best thing we can do is be who we want our children to be.

And this brings me back to my friend. I contacted him because he knows people and I am growing my business. He suggested no coach is going to solve this. He's right. It is not a coach's job to solve anything. It is my job to help a person see the costs and rewards associated with his choices so that he can powerfully choose his next step. Perhaps I can offer a perspective that he hasn't tried on. Perhaps I can give him a reason to do now what he might otherwise put off unnecessarily.

And so, my dear reader, perhaps this is what I can do for you. What are you tolerating? Does it really serve you? While you might have a certain comfort in the status quo, consider that you are paying with your life. So I invite you to take some time. Look at my Get Started page. Then, if you think I could make a difference for you, fill it out, send it along and we'll schedule a conversation.

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Living the Life of Your Dreams

Posted on Oct 21, 2014 by in General

I help You lead the life of your dreams:

  1. We get clear on your goals,

  2. I help you notice what's between you and achieving those goals,

  3. We agree on an action plan,

  4. You make promises in line with that plan,

  5. I help you stay accountable, in action and on track.

My job is to listen for your greatness and what is possible and keep that always present. Your job is to be honest about what comes up, stay in communication, and keep your promises.

{For a more complete description or to get started with me, click on the Full Story link below.}

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Productivity Reset

Posted on Oct 14, 2014 by in General

If you are like me, you sometimes get thrown off track. Most of a day goes by and nothing I had intended to do is done. At this point in time, I often just write off my day, and hope tomorrow is better. Maybe I even make a plan for tomorrow to be better.

But I've been around for a while. I know that today, right now, this moment, is all that I've got in life. Yesterday is gone, this morning is gone, tomorrow may never be. This is nice and all, but noting this doesn't usually help me get back on track. Today I found something that does.

Every win helps us think of ourselves as a winner. When we have a to do list ten items long, and we've done nine already, we have nine wins already and we get how close we are to done. We can pat ourselves on the back – please do – but knowing we're this close usually gives us plenty of motivation to win our game for the day. It's just one more item.

So this is what I did to put nine wins behind me today so that I could get on with what I intended. I listed a bunch of things I did today – got up, went to pray, ate breakfast, checked my e-mail, got on facebook and commented on some statuses, went over some house plans, worked on a puzzle, put some laundry in the dryer, played Luxor, and took a nap - and then I listed what I still intend to do (write a blog post, contact two potential clients), and all of a sudden I was like wow, I've only got a two items left to win my day. So now, an hour and a half later, I've written two blog posts, played a game with my second son, and made some progress on a course that I am taking. So I have one item left to win today, and I know I'll get it done.

When I look at that list, one e-mail to my potential clients is a no brainer. I can't help but win.

So here is the instant reset: 1 just list what you've already done with no judgment or invalidation, 2 list one item you are committed to achieving today, 3 check off all the items you have already done, 4 notice that you've got one item left, and 5 go do it.

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Today's writing cue "For what do people thank me?"

Posted on Oct 1, 2014 by in General

It's day two and this follows so nicely from yesterday. I notice that I like to hold grudges. So I called the people of yesterday's shoe story, reached one of them, and was told he never said any such thing. I haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet, but I certainly feel better having let that part go. And I was thanked for having reached out to clear it up.

So what people thank me for is taking care of them and making a difference in their lives. It's what I do. It's why I have gone into this business.

And what I am thankful for is that I actually think. I take things apart. I make connections. I like to notice new combinations, and to paraphrase James Altucher, I like to see ideas have sex. I like to help people take a different perspective of what's in front of them, and they thank me for this as well.

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